Tuesday, June 15, 2010

We Hear Things

Actual Things Heard in the Nation's Oldest Park

The Old Philosopher

Old Guy: "You know what your problem is?"
Suvo: No, what?
Old Guy: You don't ask the right questions.
Suvo: What do you mean?
Old Guy:: That's what I mean.
Suvo: Waddya mean, that's what you mean.?
Old Guy: You don't ask the right questions.
Suvo: Regarding what? Can you give me an example?
Old Guy: It's just that you don't ask the right questions:
Suvo: Meaning in what context?
Old Guy: When it comes to questions, the right ones you do not ask
Suvo: What the goddamn hell are you talking about?
Old Guy: I think that I just proved my point.
Suvo: Here's a question. Would you get the hell away from me?

Just Do It
Grossly obese 30 something in a wifebeater shirt talking on his cell phone:

"Hey! I need you to pick up a friend of mine"
"Waddya mean you can't !. It's only a coupla miles away. He needs  to get to Robbie's house."
"Crap, you been sittin' on your ass all day watchin TV".
Gas money Hell! It's only a few miles I told ya. You can do it !. Here's the address.
He click's off the phone and yells over to his equally obese girlfriend
"It's ok, Grandma is gonna go pick him up and drop him off at Robbie's."

Ship Of Little People
Tour Train Driver: "That is a statue of Ponce de Leon. He was only 4'7".
He was the tallest man on the ship. It was Admiralty Law that no one could be taller than the captain."

If It Were a Snake
Tourist" "Could you tell me where is the Bridge of Lions"
Artist:: "Right there ....pointing to the bridge, 75  feet away"

Nosy Guy
Tourist: "Do you guys make a lot of money doin this?"
Artist::" Things have been kinda slow here lately"
Tourist: "About how much do you make on an average day?"
Artist: "Are you asking me how much money I make?"
Tourist: "Yeah, On the average".
Artist: "Why would I tell you that?"
Tourist: "Just curious"
Artist: "I think that it is strange for you to ask me that. What if I asked you how much you made".
Tourist: "I'll tell you ...Last month I took home.....".
Artist: interrupting...."Look, I don't want to know your income, that's personal."
Tourist: "I don't mind."
Artist: "Well I do mind, I gotta go over here now".....moving away to another artist's stand.

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